why is sex making us happy?

Need an ego boost? Just think about your pal who isn’t getting laid. People are happier if they believe they’re having more sex than their peers, says a new study from the University of Colorado Boulder.

Researchers analyzed a survey of more than 15,000 participants and found that—surprise!—the more sex people had, the more content they were. And those who did the deed two to three times a week were 55 percent more likely to feel cheerier than folks who didn’t get any action in the past year.

"Round five? We're definitely beating the neighbors!"

It’s kind of like making a social comparison with money, says study author Tim Wadsworth, Ph.D. More income doesn’t necessarily make you happy because you can buy more things—rather, you use money as a benchmark to compare yourself to others and see whether or not you’re living the good life, Wadsworth says.

The same applies to sex: If you know your friends are getting it on every night, you ultimately feel less satisfied with what’s happening in your bedroom, says Wadsworth.

FIRST TIME HAVING SEX TIPS

Chances are it was awkward, embarrassing, and over in a minute—and it could still be giving you fits all these years later. Your first time having sex may set the tone for the rest of your sexual life, says new research published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy.

Researchers interviewed 331 men and women about losing their virginity, asking them how they felt about the overall experience and how their sex lives impacted their well-being. Post-interview, the participants kept a sex diary for 2 weeks, describing and rating all of their sexual activity.

The results: Those who had a positive first-time experience were most emotionally and physically satisfied in their current relationships. But those who felt more anxious and negative about their first time reported lower overall sexual functioning.

But as any knowledgeable researcher would tell you, correlation does not equal causation. So breathe easy: You’re probably not doomed for a life of bad sex just because of one lousy quickie back in freshman year.

“First-time sex for anybody can go wrong,” says Gloria Brame, Ph.D., a sex therapist and the author of Come Hither: A Commonsense Guide to Kinky Sex. Whether it’s your high-school sweetheart or your hundredth hookup, many factors can throw off your first sexual encounter with her, she explains.

You’re probably not worrying about losing your virginity anymore, but just because that milestone is in the past, it doesn’t mean your first time with a new fling will be any less nerve-racking. To help set your mind at ease, here are three foolproof tips for having better first-time sex.

Master Your DomainConcerned you may not last long enough for her? Take matters into your own hands—literally. “Masturbating before the date can help take the edge off,” says Brame. When you first hook up with the woman you’ve long lusted after, it’s completely normal to come sooner than you’d want, because your body is overly excited and raging with hormones, Brame explains. Masturbating before your date helps put the ball back in your court.

Take Your TimeOnce you’ve hit the bed, start out slow by using your lips—a lot. Begin at her mouth, then kiss down her neckline, past her breasts, and down her stomach to her inner thighs. Meanwhile, use your hands to explore her breasts, says Brame. “Take time to focus on her nipples with your fingers and tongue,” she advises. You might be ready to romp after a few minutes of foreplay, but she may not be there yet. Pause to ask her what she wants you to do next. “Don’t just assume she wants you to thrust inside her,” says Brame. Good sex is all about communication, so before you get to the main event, make sure she’s satisfied with the starting act, says Brame.

Forget Old MovesWhen it comes to your sexual skill set, throw what you know out the window. “Every new person requires new exploration,” says Brame. And every woman is going to have different preferences when it comes to technique, speed, and foreplay, among many other factors, she explains. Simply put, those killer moves your ex loved so much may not cut it this time. So slow down, take your time savoring every inch of her, and make sure to pay close attention to how she responds to your touch.

it's not so hard to convience here do it

Tip 1: Play Safe: There are some serious safety issues regarding anal sex that you need to be aware of at all times.

First and foremost, whatever touches the anus shouldn't be touching anything else. Never never never take the penis out of the anus and put it into the vagina. That can lead to serious infections and other complications. After any kind of anal play, you should immediately change condoms and wash the relevant body parts thoroughly.

Of course, STDs are also a major concern with anal sex. This isn't just limited to AIDS; herpes, genital warts, syphilis, gonorrhea, etc. can all be transmitted through anal sex. You shouldn't be having anal sex without a condom; it's not worth the risk to either partner.

Tip 2: Lube, lube, lube

One of the most important thing to remember when thinking about anal sex is that, unlike the vagina, the anus isn't self-lubricating: you gotta bring your own grease. And, the more lube you use, the better. It will make the initial penetration much more easy and less painful for the woman and make the whole experience, for both of you, much more pleasant. The most common suggestion we get from our readers is to use LOTS of lube; we just can't emphasize this point enough.

Tip 3: Start Small: Simply put, a penis is an awful big to be the first thing you stick up someone's butt . Better to start with something smaller and work your way up. Fingers are an excellent beginning point. Use one finger, then two, to initiate your partner into the mysteries of anal penetration. Try it while performing oral sex for an extra thrill. Be sure your fingernails are trimmed, not to forget the lube, and you might even want to wear latex gloves.

As your partner gets used to your fingers, you might graduate to a butt plug or a small dildo. Dildos are available in all shapes and sizes. Go shopping together to get one she thinks she can handle. Remember, though, don't put the dildo into the vagina after putting it into the anus. The safest way is to put a condom on the dildo before using it, and to wash it thoroughly immediately after.

Tip 4: Turnabout is Fair: Whether you're trying to convince someone to have anal sex or trying to figure out how to do it in a gentle, pain free manner, there's no better preparation that exploring anal play with yourself.

A partner is much more likely to consent to anal sex if she's seen that you're open to being on the receiving end as well. Encourage her to use her fingers inside of you, or even purchase a butt plug or small dildo and let her use that. Once she's seen you're willing to do it, it'll be hard for her to resist exploring it as well.

Of course, anal play on yourself is a great way to learn how anal sex feels and to learn how to make it more comfortable for your partner. You might also be surprised just how much you like it..

Tip 5: Clear the Way: Before having anal sex, the woman should have a good, complete bowel movement. If she doesn't, the man may find himself encountering far more fecal matter than he might have liked (i.e. packing the fudge). Now, for some people doing this on-command might not be the easiest thing, and straining to defecate is not healthy. A high fiber diet may help things along and is good for your health in any case.

Of course, if you really want to clean things out in a hurry, you can purchase an enema from any drug store. There's some controversy about this; some people feel having an enema first can actually increase the irritation during anal sex. If you're going to go the enema route, we'd recommend doing it several hours before you plan to have anal sex, rather than right before the act.

is sex an addiction?

Increasing numbers of men and womenare seeking clinical treatment for sexual addiction. This is partly the result of the increasingly endless variety of Internet-based sexual content, and partly the result of easy accessibility of anonymous sexual partnering via smartphone apps and social media.

It is estimated that three to six percent of the general U.S. population suffers from some form of addictive sexual behavior with self or others. However, the current lack of a universally recognizable clinical diagnosis — combined with a dearth of publicly funded research and ongoing cultural shame and stigma regarding sexual disorders in general — likely prevent many more individuals from identifying the problem and seeking help.

Traditionally, the majority of inpatient and outpatient sexual addiction patients (approximately 85 percent) have been adult males. However, there is growing awareness that women also struggle with the disorder and they, too, are seeking help in increasing numbers.

Typical Sex Addict Behaviors

Below is a brief overview of common behaviors exhibited by active sexual addicts:

• Compulsive masturbation with or without pornography
• Ongoing abuse of soft- and hard-core porn
• Multiple affairs and brief “serial” relationships
• Attending strip clubs, adult bookstores and similar sex-focused environments
• Prostitution, or use of prostitutes and “sensual” massage
• Compulsive use of cybersex
• Ongoing anonymous sexual hookups with people met online or in person
• Repeated patterns of unsafe sex
• Seeking sexual experiences without regard to the immediate or long-term consequences
• Exhibitionism or voyeurism

What Is Sex Addiction Like?

For active sex addicts, the sexual experience itself can, over time, become less tied to pleasure and more to feelings of relief or escape. Healthy, pleasurable, life-affirming experiences become tied to obsession, secrecy and shame.

Sex addicts abuse sexual fantasy – even in the absence of sexual acts or orgasm – to produce the intense, trance-like feelings that temporarily provide emotional detachment and dissociation from life stressors. Research suggests that these feelings, often described as being in “the bubble” or “a trance,” are the result of the neurochemical process induced by a fantasy-based release of adrenaline, dopamine, endorphins and serotonin, not dissimilar to a “fight or flight” response.

Over time, the hidden fantasies, rituals and acts of the sexually addicted person can lead to a double life of lies to self and others, manipulation, splitting, rationalization, and denial. These defenses allow sex addicts temporarily to escape their core feelings of low self-worth, fears of abandonment and depression or anxiety, as sexual fantasy and sexual acts are abused in an attempt to fulfill unmet emotional needs.

For the sex addict, sexual acting out most often takes place in secret, against a background of social isolation, and absent genuine, intimate relatedness. The problem can occur regardless of outward success, intelligence, physical attractiveness, or existing intimate relationship commitments or marriage.

Similar to the criteria for other addictive disorders, sexual addiction is characterized by:

• Loss of control over sexual thoughts and behaviors
• Escalation in frequency and intensity of sexual activities
• Negative consequences resulting from sexual behaviors
• Losing significant amounts of time as well as interest in other activities as a result of pursuing or engaging in sexual activities
• Irritability, defensiveness or anger when trying to stop a particular sexual behavior